Say Something
by scrapmom
Summary: Kurt and Blaine meet during their freshman year at NYADA and become fast friends. Could it lead to more? This fic is AU and does not follow any time line from the show. In this story, the two boys are the same age.
1. Prologue

**A/N Hey everyone! Just want to set up the story for you. This is an AU fic. In my world, Kurt and Blaine did not meet in high school. They met their freshman year in New York. They are both attending NYADA, and become friends. **

**This story is loosely based on my relationship (if that's what you want to call it) with my first love. Now, my story ended very differently, but all the main elements that occured were from my experience. That being said, I'm a sucker for a happy ending, even through all the angst. **

**This first part is just an intro, and the actual idea that set up the entire story. I hope you enjoy, and please feel free to let me know if it's worth continuing. **

**Prologue**

**It's Been a Long Time Coming**

Kurt walked out on the stage slowly, a sad but determined look on his face. He whispered to the pianist and made his way up to the mic. The band was taking a break, and Kurt knew this was his moment.

He'd been psyching himself up for the moment for months now. Who was he kidding, it had been years. How could he have let things get so bad? Oh, that's right, it was Blaine. It had always been Blaine.

Kurt couldn't take it anymore. The pining, the waiting, the hurting, the tears. But that all ended tonight. He had waited for the band to take five, because he wanted to make sure Blaine was there, in the audience, watching. Blaine was a creature of habit, so once on break, he would visit the bathroom then the bar.

Kurt waited until he saw Blaine head for the bar before taking the stage. He had never been so scared in all his life, but he also knew that he needed to do this for his own sanity.

Then Kurt began to sing.


	2. How it all Began

**A/N Sorry the prologue was so short, but it had to set up the story. Because of the length, I'm going to go ahead and post the first chapter too. **

**Chapter 1**

**How it all Began**

He met Blaine his freshman year and had fallen head over heals in love. Coming from a small town in Ohio, Kurt hadn't met many other gays, so living in New York and going to school at a NYADA, a fine arts college, was a shock. There were a lot of openly gay guys and girls alike, and he didn't feel like such an outcast.

Blaine was in his Tuesday/Thursday acting class. The curly black hair and hazel eyes caught Kurt's attention right away, along with many other guys and girls in the class, and Kurt almost fainted when Blaine sat down next to him and grinned.

"Is this seat taken?" Were the first words out of his mouth and Kurt was hooked. The two became fast friends and Kurt was able to curb his attraction, for the most part. He was honestly just happy to have found a friend to hang with. He missed his friends from New Directions, his old Glee club, and although he and Rachel lived together, they hardly saw each other with their schedules.

So, he began spending more and more time with Blaine, who, much to Kurt's excitement and dismay was a huge flirt. When they were alone, watching a movie or just being silly, Blaine was always touchy feely, and Kurt was not used to it. Not that he was complaining. No, he wasn't complaining at all. But, it did confuse him.

In his high school, he obviously didn't have opportunities to date. Sure, he'd had crushes before, but always on straight boys that he knew would never amount to anything.

And even though Blaine said he was gay, he still had no idea where he stood. As touchy as he was when they were alone, he was just the opposite when they were with friends. It was like Kurt had the plague. Sure, he'd talk to Kurt, sometimes, but other times he completely ignored him.

This went on for most of their freshman year, and Kurt convinced himself it was okay. He knew Blaine cared about him, so what if he treated him like a nobody when they were out with Blaine's friends. When Blaine came over and hung out with him and Rachel, he was his normal flirty self.

And he didn't always ignore him. There were days that Blaine would call him up early in the morning and kidnap him for the day, taking him to art exhibits and museums, and sometimes a Broadway show. One those days, even though they were out, Blaine would shower Kurt with attention and affection.

At times, Kurt felt like a flower. He was bright and happy when Blaine was around and being his normal self, but the second Blaine turned into 'the stranger' (which is what Kurt took to calling Blaine's second personality), he would wilt. Blaine would notice, and shower him with attention again, causing Kurt to blossom once again. It was a vicious cycle, and Kurt didn't know how much more of it he could take.

Of course, Kurt was so much in love with Blaine, that he continued to take it all, over and over again. And everyday Kurt hated himself a little more. He wanted to hate Blaine too, but he just couldn't. Deep down, he knew that Blaine had feelings for him. There were fleeting moments they would share, and Kurt would see something in Blaine's eyes, but a moment later, he could cover it up with some funny joke and the moment was gone.

He recalled one time in particular, when he and Blaine had been making sundaes in his kitchen. It was not anything unusual, as they both loved eating ice cream while watching Moulin Rouge. Kurt had bought a new jar of cherries, and Blaine was teasing him about being able to tie the stem in a knot.

Rachel had let it slip last time that Kurt could tie a knot in a cherry stem with his tongue, but they were conveniently out of cherries, so Blaine couldn't test Kurt. This time, however, he was begging Kurt to show him and Kurt refused. When Blaine threatened to tickle him, Kurt took a glob of whipped cream and wiped it on Blaine's nose.

Blaine stopped, looking up at Kurt through his lashes, and Kurt backed up, worried about what Blaine would do. Blaine took two quick steps forward, grabbing Kurt's hands and placing them above his head while almost pressing his body against Kurt's.

They both stood stock still, staring into each others eyes. Kurt could feel the heat from Blaine's body that was so, so close to his, and his wrists were on fire where Blaine still held them above his head. The intensity in Blaine's stare sent a warmth through Kurt's entire body, and his mind could only think, please, please kiss me.

Suddenly, as if being burnt, Blaine let go of Kurt's arms and stepped back, turning around. He stood still for a moment, but then picked up his spoon as if nothing had happened and went into the living room, leaving a confused and turned on Kurt in the kitchen.

As like most things that were confusing in their relationship, they never spoke about what happened that day. Unfortunately, it was moments like those, where Kurt knew he saw something in Blaine's eyes, that kept him coming back.

The end of their freshman year came, separating the two boys for the summer. They talked about getting together at various times, but Kurt secretly hoped they wouldn't. He realized, after spending one lazy Sunday re-reading his diaries from the past year, that he needed distance from Blaine and his confusing signals. So, Kurt decided he would take the summer and get over Blaine.

Yeah, that was easier said than done when the person you are trying to get over texts you everyday, and Skype's you at least once a week. And, to top it off, continues to call you at random intervals too, sometimes in the middle of the night. Those are the hardest, because he knows Blaine is drunk, and that's when he says things that give Kurt hope. Hope he doesn't need.

The first late night drunk call came a month into their summer break. It was 2:30am when Kurt's phone started playing Katy Perry's Firework. Blaine had programed it as his ringtone because, well, he was obsessed with Katy Perry.

Half asleep, Kurt mumbled a hello, wondering why Blaine would be calling him so late. He heard loud music in the background and was wondering if Blaine had accidentally butt dialed him until he heard sniffling.

"Blaine. Is that you? Are you there? I can't hear anything except music." He whisper yelled into the phone, not wanting to wake anyone up.

The music was quickly muffled, and it sounded like a door shut. "Kurt," Blaine said, his voice cracking. "I miss you." Was that another sniff. Was he crying? No way.

"Blaine, what are you talking about? We just Skyped yesterday, and you texted me this morning." Kurt had no idea what was happening, and he hated that feeling.

"I miss seeing you," came the quiet reply. "I just want to see you. Why can't I see you?"

"You saw me yesterday on Skype." Kurt said again, slowly this time, as if talking to a child.

"I know, but I couldn't touch you, or even smell you. You smell fantastic. Have I ever told you that? Well, you do. I love sitting close to you and just breathing in your scent. You have no idea how much I want to just pull you into my arms and bury my head in your shoulder and smell you."

Kurt was speechless. All traces of sleep gone, he sat up in his bed and tried to process what Blaine was saying. He knew he was drunk, but he was telling Kurt things that he had obviously wanted to do for some time. And Kurt had no idea how to react, so he decided to play along and see what else he could learn.

"Blaine, you know you can hug me anytime you want to." He said, jokingly, testing the waters.

"I want to hug you all the time, Kurt, but, but I can't." Came the broken reply.

"Why not?" He was almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Because if I let myself get to close, I'll be lost. I can't let that happen. These feelings...I - I don't understand them, and my friends keep telling me..." Suddenly there was noise in the background and he heard muffled voices. 'Blaine, dammit man, what are you doing? Are you stupid? Hang up the fucking phone.'

Kurt heard Blaine start to object, then there was nothing but a dial tone. Kurt just sat there, phone still in his hand, listening to the dial tone, for what seemed like hours. He knew sleep was impossible, so he put the phone down and picked up his diary. He wrote until his hand began to cramp, then he took a break, and wrote some more.

Keeping a diary was the only thing that kept him sane during his high school years, and as much as it pained him to say, the one from his freshman year was filled with Blaine and only Blaine. God, he was pathetic. But, hearing Blaine say those things to him gave him hope again. Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder.

He finally fell asleep around dawn, exhaustion finally catching up to him. He stayed up later than he should have, glancing at his phone every few minutes, hoping Blaine would call back, or even send a quick text, but all he got was radio silence.

Unfortunately, that silence lasted throughout the following day, which was incredibly confusing to Kurt. Normally, Blaine texted him at least 10 times a day. Usually just random thoughts or quotes from their favorite movie or song, but today, nothing.

After spending all day worrying and fretting, Kurt decided to just bite the bullet and text Blaine himself. Nothing earth shattering, just a quick hello, and what's up.

Kurt didn't receive a reply until hours later, as he was in the middle of his moisturizing routine. Fearing the worst, he made himself wait until he was finished, then slowly walked to his desk where his phone lay. He looked at it as if it might bite, before snatching it up and looking at the message before he could change his mind.

He wished he hadn't looked. He's not sure what he was expecting after last nights call and weird confessions, but is wasn't this. The text simply said, 'Sorry, busy.'

That's it. Sorry, busy. Really? He drunk dialed him, going on about how he wants to smell him and pretty much says he is confused about his feeling, before his friends cut him off. What the hell? Sure, Kurt was hurt earlier, and confused. Hell, he was still confused, but now he was just pissed. Well, two can play that game.


	3. Summer Surprise

Chapter 2

Summer Surprise

So, for the next week, Kurt tried to block out Blaine's existence. Which wasn't easy, because two days after their late night call, Blaine began texting him again, as if nothing had happened, picking up right where they had left off before the call.

Kurt decided he was sick of the drama, so he ignored all Blaine's texts and calls. He even stayed off the computer when he knew Blaine was available, so he could avoid any Skype requests.

Kurt was proud of himself, and was actually felt like he might be able to let go once they got back to school. That was until July 4th. That's the day that all his hope came rushing back again, and he loved it and hated it.

Burt and Carole had let Kurt and Finn invite all their friends from New Directions over for a cookout. Most of them were home for the summer, and were excited to get the gang back together again. Kurt helped Carole prepare the food, while directing his dad and Finn on decorating the back yard with festive lights in red, white and blue, and tasteful table cloths adorned with fireworks made from sequence.

As the party time drew nearer, Kurt was visibly excited. He couldn't wait to see all his friends again. Sure, he saw Rachel on a daily basis, and Finn on holidays and some weekends, but he hadn't seen Mercedes in almost 6 months!

So, when the doorbell rang, he ran to the door, throwing it open and getting ready to jump into his BFF's arms, when the site before him stopped him cold. Standing there on his doorstep, in Lima, Ohio was Blaine.

Kurt stood there in shock, mouth wide open, not able to speak. Blaine, always the charmer, gave a big smile, threw out his arms and said, "Surprise!"

Surprise didn't even begin to cover it. What the hell? Kurt had been actively avoiding Blaine, and now here he was. On his doorstep, acting as though Kurt should be happy to see him. He was speechless, obviously.

Kurt probably would have continued to stand there with his mouth open had his dad not come around the corner to see who arrived.

"Kurt, who...oh," He stopped when he saw Blaine, not recognizing him. He looked from Blaine to Kurt and raised his eyebrows. Before he could speak again, Blaine stepped forward and held out his hand.

"Mr Hummel, hello, I'm Blaine Anderson. I'm a friend of Kurt's from NYADA."

Burt took Blaine's hand and shook it, recognizing the name from a few conversations with Kurt. "Sure, Blaine, nice to finally meet you. Kurt didn't tell me he invited you to the cookout."

"I didn't." Kurt said quickly, finally coming back to his senses.

Burt frowned at Kurt's response, but before he could question his son, Blaine spoke. "He didn't. See, I don't live around here. My family is from Michigan, but I have relatives in Westerville, and I knew Kurt lived here in Lima so I thought I'd drive down and surprise him. It seems I've picked a bad time, though, so I'll just go. I'm sorry for the intrusion."

"You aren't going anywhere," Burt said. "Kurt and Finn are having some friends over for a cookout and you are joining us." Burt ushered Blaine in, pointing him in the direction of the kitchen. "Kurt was helping Carole with drinks, if you want to pitch in."

Kurt looked at his dad with wide eyes. Was he crazy? He just invited Blaine to stay for the cookout. What was shaping up to be a great day just dropped from off the charts to sucky in a matter of minutes. Kurt just stood there with the door still open, staring at Blaine's retreating back. His dad, oblivious to Kurt's distress followed Blaine, leaving Kurt to wonder if he had entered the Twilight Zone.

Before he could close the door, he saw Mercedes coming up the front walk. After what had just transpired, he really needed a hug, so he raced down the front steps and enveloped his friend in a bone crushing hug.

"I missed you too, Kurt." Mercedes said, once she could breath again.

Kurt pulled back, laughing, and kissed her cheek. "I'm so glad you are here." His voice had a bit of tension mixed with the excitement.

"Alright boy, you better tell me what's up now." She said in a tone that meant business.

"Blaine is here." Was all he said.

"What!" He almost shrieked. Kurt had been on the phone every night of the past week crying and complaining to Mercedes about how hard it was to ignore Blaine, and she helped him stay strong and avoid replying back to him.

"What did you do?" She asked him, accusingly.

"Nothing, I swear." He whispered, not wanting anyone else to hear their conversation. "He just...showed up."

"He what?" She put her hand on her hip, jutting it out like the diva she was.

"He said something about having family in Westerville, or something, so he wanted to surprise me with a visit. Well, color me surprised." His sarcasm couldn't mask the pain in his voice.

"Oooook. Dude doesn't get a clue, does he?"

"Cedes, I've told you all about him. He's hot and cold. I think the more I ignore him, the more he makes himself available."

"This isn't making himself available, this is being pushy. What is his agenda anyway?"

"To mess with my head, I think."

"So, why is he still here?" She asked finally.

"Oh yea, that's the best part. My dad invited him to stay. Yeah. Thanks for nothing, dad. Ugh. And I just stood there. I couldn't say anything without dad asking a lot of questions, and before I knew what was happening, Blaine was in my kitchen, helping my step mother."

Mercedes just shook her head. "Wow." She linked her arm with his and started toward the house. "Well, let's go make the best of it." She said, then added, "But that boy better keep his butt in line. I'll be watching."

Kurt laughed at that and squeezed Mercedes arm tighter, silently thanking her for supporting him.

Over the course of the next hour, all their friends had arrived and everyone had migrated into the back yard to catch up, eat, and enjoy each others company.

Although Blaine was an outsider, he proceeded to charmed the pants off every member of New Directions, with the exception of Rachel and Mercedes. He'd also managed to convert his dad and Carole to team Blaine, as well.

With Blaine being his adorable, dapper self, Kurt was finding it hard to avoid him. I mean, here he was, mingling with his best friends and family, and acting like he hadn't just almost confessed something important on the phone just last week.

Kurt sat back and watched Blaine laughing and joking with his friends, and something stirred inside him. Maybe he really didn't remember their conversation and was felt bad about the whole thing, and he was trying to make it up to Kurt, showing up here.

Even though Blaine was making the rounds, so to speak, he always found Kurt's eye and made sure he knew Blaine was watching him. At first it pissed him off a little, but as the evening wore on, Kurt found it actually kind of sweet.

Mercedes had been watching her boy all night, and could tell that he was letting his defenses down again. Damn that Blaine Anderson. Does he not know what he does to Kurt? How he had that poor boy tied up in knots on a regular basis?

And now, being all charming and wonderful right to everyone he met was really frustrating her. But, after watching him watch Kurt, she began to wonder if he really did have feeling for Kurt but was too much of a coward to make a move. That would explain the drunk phone call and the almost confession. Alcohol may lower your inhibitions, but it also brings hidden feeling to the surface.

Maybe Blaine coming here was his way of reaching out again. She could tell Kurt was falling for him even more, although he tried to deny it, and that scared her. Even though Blaine really did seem sincere, she couldn't squash the feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her he was going to continue to hurt Kurt again and again.

Later that night, Kurt pulled Blaine aside, and asked him the question he'd been wanting to know the answer to for a week.

"So, do you remember drunk dialing me last week?". He saw a look of panic pass over Blaine's face before quickly being covered up by fake confusion.

"Oh, yea. I, uh, don't remember much from that night. My friends mentioned that they heard me talking to you, but I don't really remember. Sorry." He said, trying to sound sincere, but failing.

"So, you don't remember anything?" Kurt asked in a tone that said he knew Blaine was lying.

"Uh, no, I was pretty wasted. Is that why you've been ignoring my texts? Did I say something stupid?"

"Do you really want to know? He asked, in a no nonsense voice.

Blaine looked up then, the panicked look back. "N-no, probably not. Can we just forget about it and pretend it never happened? I just want things to go back to normal. Please?"

Kurt was just so tired of feeling sad and confused, so he said the only thing that made sense to him at the time. "Sure."


	4. Back to School

**Chapter 3**

**Back to School**

Throughout the rest of the summer, the two friends stayed in contact, texting and Skyping like nothing had happened. Kurt was still hurt and confused, but realized that if he wanted to keep Blaine in his life as a friend, he would have to find a way to move on. And he was able to do just that, most of the time. But sometimes, at night he would lie in bed and think what if.

Unfortunately, Kurt was not one of those people that great things happened to. He always had to fight for every little thing. In Glee, he fought Rachel for solos, and he fought against the world because of his sexuality.

Blaine, on the other hand, was alway popular. He'd been the lead soloist in his high school glee club, as well as Prom King. And he was gay too. But, he didn't wear his individuality like Kurt did. Blaine had once told Kurt that was one of the things he loved the most about him, that he wasn't afraid to be himself. Of course, Blaine had said that during one of his 'drunk dial calls' to Kurt.

He'd only received two more that summer, and always tried to get Blaine off the phone as quickly as possible. The less he heard from drunk Blaine, the more he was able to protect his heart.

Once school was back in session, the boys found their schedules were quite busy, and didn't allow them much time together. Kurt couldn't decide if this was a good thing (good for his heart) or a bad thing (he really missed seeing him).

Three weeks into the semester, Kurt got an internship with an up and coming fashion magazine, and was on cloud nine. Sure, he would be getting coffee and filing, but he was also going to get to sit in at the weekly brainstorming meetings and was also invited to the biggest fashion party of the year. It was everything he wanted and was convinced that this was going to be a great school year.

Blaine was also starting the year off well. He'd been chosen to sing lead in a band that he and some friends put together. They hadn't booked a gig yet, but New York was a big town with a lot of bars. He was sure it wouldn't be long before they were playing every weekend. And he was right. For the first few weeks, they played coffee houses and really small venues, but by Halloween, they'd had their first gig in an actual bar.

Kurt and Blaine hadn't seen each other since school started, but still texted on a regular basis. They tried to meet for coffee on several occasions, but one of them was always called away at the last minute, leaving them both a little disappointed.

But, when Blaine told Kurt his band was playing at the Music Note the Friday before Halloween, Kurt told him he wouldn't miss it for the world. Not wanting to go alone, Kurt drug Rachel and a few of her classmates along.

He was nervous and excited to see Blaine again. Their friendship had gone back to the way it had been early in their freshman year, but Kurt was not sure which Blaine would be showing up tonight, his real friend or the stranger.

One of the people Rachel invited was late, so by the time they got to the bar, Blaine's band had already taken the stage. Kurt had been hoping to get there early to wish Blaine luck. Who was he kidding? He just missed his best friend and couldn't wait to hug him.

They found a table in the back and ordered drinks, Kurt taking a seat with the best view of the stage. His breath caught in his throat when he saw Blaine for the first time. He'd almost forgotten how incredibly gorgeous Blaine really was. Seeing up on that stage, with the lights shining down on him, giving him an almost angelic glow, Kurt felt all those feelings he'd tried to push down resurface.

Maybe coming had not been such a good idea. He was actually considering leaving, when he realized Blaine's eyes kept moving around the place as if searching for something. He got momentarily distracted by the waitress, and when he looked back up, his eyes locked with Blaine's, and Blaine smiled to big he was sure it could be seen in space. Was it possible Blaine had been looking for him? Just the thought that Blaine was happy to see him gave him tingles up and down his spine.

Throughout the entire first set, Blaine kept glancing back to their table, as if he was afraid that Kurt would leave. Damn Blaine for knowing him so well, because part of him did want to turn tail and run. But he came here to support his friend, and no matter how hard that was turning out to be, he was going to stay.

But boy was it really hard. Just sitting back and watching the object of your affection dancing and singing onstage, while guys and girls alike followed him with lust in their eyes. Sure, jealousy was a big part of the reason he wanted to bolt, but the biggest reason was up on that stage, oblivious to how much he affected Kurt by just being.

By the time the band took their first break, Kurt's anxiety level was through the roof. He thought Blaine looked happy to see him, but with his two personalities to deal with, Kurt wasn't sure exactly how to act when the saw each other face to face.

Kurt didn't have to wonder for long, though because there was a flash of blue and suddenly he was being pulled to his feet and into a huge hug. His arms wrapped around Blaine's neck instinctively, and he felt Blaine pull him closer, nuzzling his nose in Kurt's neck. He didn't think anyone could tell that's what was happening, but he could feel Blaine breathing in and out through his nose. He almost passed out when he realized what was happening. Blaine was smelling him.

Blaine had told him on his first drunk call that he loved how Kurt smelled, and now, standing in the middle of a noisy bar, Blaine was holding Kurt tight and smelling his neck. Wait, did he just...no way. A split second before Blaine pulled back, Kurt felt a warm wet...kiss.. on his neck. Oh my God. Not only did Blaine just smell him, but he kissed his neck. Shit. How was he supposed to keep it together now? He should have left when he had the chance.

Blaine pulled back from Kurt, but kept ahold of his arms and he spoke to him excitedly. "Kurt, I'm so glad you came. I can't believe we haven't see each other before now. It seems like forever. I really missed you. How do you like the show so far? What do you think of the band? Do you like the..."

Kurt took his finger and placed it over Blaine's lips, silencing him. "Blaine...take a breath." When he saw Blaine's eyes practically bugging out of his head, he quickly dropped his hand and took a step back, forcing Blaine to let go of his arms.

"I..."

"I'm happy to be here too. And yes, I am loving the band."

Blaine's eyes went back to their normal size and his shoulders relaxed a little with Kurt's words. "Sorry, I'm just really excited."

"I can tell." Rachel stood up then and Kurt looked at her puzzled, because apparently, he had forgotten she was there. That wasn't surprising, though. Blaine always had that effect on Kurt.

"Impressive," she said to Blaine, motioning toward the stage. "Kurt said you guys have only been together for a month and here you are, already playing at the Music Note." Rachel was still leery of Blaine and wasn't about to shower him with compliments.

"Yeah, we got pretty lucky." He replied, not sure how to take Rachel. "Well, I hope you plan on staying for the second set," he said, looking back to Kurt with what he would later refer to as puppy dog eyes.

Kurt looked at Rachel, and the look in her eyes told him no, but he had never been able to tell Blaine no, so he nodded to Blaine. "Wouldn't miss it."

"Maybe we can catch up after." He said to Kurt as he was headed back to the stage.

"Sure. I'll wait for you."

Rachel and her friends ended up leaving, which Kurt was actually happy about. He was hoping that he and Blaine could go out for coffee their show and catch up, so he waited. After the last song, the band left the stage, and Kurt was hoping to catch Blaine's eye so he would know he was waiting, but to no avail. Kurt sat at the table for 30 minutes, waiting, but Blaine never came back out.

Hurt and embarrassed, he left. He didn't want to go back and face Rachel yet, so he walked around for another hour before heading home. He slipped in quietly, shedding his clothes and climbed into bed, letting the tears fall. He couldn't believe it was happening all over again, and he was letting it


	5. New Years Eve

**A/N I hope this story isn't too choppy. I feel like I'm jumping around, but there is no way I can write about every day, or this story will never be finished! I know right now Blaine is a jerk and unfortunately, that doesn't change anytime soon. I do promise a happy ending, though. Not sure exactly what that means at this point, since I can't control what comes out when I sit down to write, but I'm a sucker for a happy klaine ending, so please stick with me! **

**Chapter 4**

**New Years Eve**

Kurt knew he had to talk to Blaine, but it was not easy with Blaine was totally ignoring him. So, he found out when Blaine's band was playing next and gathered up his courage for a showdown, Hummel style.

Kurt sat at the very back of the bar, hidden away from the band and waited. Just after 11:00, the band took a break. Kurt waited until Blaine approached the bar and took a seat before attacking.

"Blaine, what is the fuck? Why do you continue to play with my feelings like that?" Kurt yelled.

"I - I'm not sure what you are talking about." he stuttered back.

"Don't play dumb with me. You know exactly what I'm talking about. It the same reason you've been avoiding me for the last three weeks."

"I'm not avoiding you, I've just been busy, you know, with school and the band." The excuse sounded weak, even to Blaine's ears, and he looked down, avoiding Kurt's eyes.

"Really," Kurt said in the bitchiest voice he could muster to cover the hurt he was feeling. "So you weren't avoiding me because of what happened on New Years Eve?" He saw Blaine's face pale, and continued on. "Look Blaine, you are one of my best friends and I really want to believe that you don't set out to hurt me on purpose."

Blaine look up then, surprised and a little sad. "Kurt..."

"I just want to know why, ok? We were together, Blaine. You spend the night in my bed, innocently, yes, but you were there holding me all night, like you cared." Blaine looked like he wanted to say something, but Kurt raised a hand to stop him. "You kissed me Blaine, at midnight. Hell, you kissed me at midnight for all the time zones, remember? Because its certainly burned in my memory." Kurt stopped then, a tear trying to escape out of the corner of his eye. "Please Blaine, just help me understand." He hated the pleading tone he heard in his voice, but he really needed to know.

Blaine just sat there, shuffling his feet on the bottom of the bar stool, avoiding eye contact with Kurt, yet again. He grabbed his beer, chugged it and wiped his mouth before beginning. "I'm sorry Kurt. I was drunk. It was fun, sure, but it was a mistake. I though we were just having a little fun. It didn't mean anything, and I'm sorry if you thought otherwise."

Even though Blaine's words were said in a rush, he heard them loud and clear. Throughout the course of Kurt and Blaine's weird relationship, Kurt's heart had been stomped on, bruised, and cracked on many occasions, all thanks to Blaine Anderson. But to tonight was different. All the cracks began to get bigger, and the bruises began to swell, until Kurt felt like his heart literally exploded in his chest.

His breath was coming in short gasps, and he knew if he didn't get out of that bar, he would break down and beg Blaine to take it back. But Kurt Hummel did not beg, so he did the only thing he could. He ran. No, he didn't make a dramatic exit like he wanted to. He wasn't about to give Blaine the satisfaction, so he stood up, although later he'll wonder how his legs didn't collapse right then and there, threw some money on the bar to cover his and Blaine's drinks, yes, he was still a gentleman even when heartbroken, and calmly walked out the door.

Once he got outside, he put his arms around himself, hoping it would somehow help him hold it together until he got away from there. He didn't want to see or talk to anyone, so he just started walking.

With each step, Blaine's words reverberated in his head, 'it was a mistake, it didn't mean anything.' Those words were on a constant loop in his head, and he wanted to scream. He didn't know when he had started crying, he soon found himself stumbling over the curb, because the tears were clouding his vision.

He's not sure exactly how he get there, but suddenly he was in Central Park, under a tree, sobbing. He sat with his knees up, arms wrapped around his legs and his head buried in his knees. He rocked back and forth, letting all the built up emotions come out, and boy did they come out.

His body was literally in pain. He felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest, and his body was being held in a vice, squeezing out every ounce of feeling, and fuck, it hurt so much. He wondered if people could actually die of a broken heart, because he certainly felt like he was dying. How was he supposed to go on?

New Years had been the best night of his life. Finally being able to get close to Blaine. He thought dancing with him had been heaven. Being held so tightly, swaying to the music, listening to Blaine sing into his ear, feeling his warm breath on his neck as he pulled him in closer had been amazing. But nothing compared him to what he felt when Blaine kissed him. Holy hell, his lips were on fire, and that fire spread throughout his entire body ins matter of seconds. He'd heard some people saw fireworks when they got the kiss from 'the one,' but Kurt didn't see fireworks, no. He saw an entire fucking explosion of color.

Flashback...

_Blaine stayed long after the last guest left, and Rachel had excused herself to bed. He and Kurt lay on the couch watching Dick Clark's New Years Rockin Eve, which is when they decided to ring in every New Year, in every time zone, with another kiss. 'if kissing at on New Years Eve is good luck, then imagine how awesome our year will be if we kiss at every New Year,' Blaine had whispered into Kurt's ear at five minutes till one. And so, every hour, their lips met in a passionate kiss, losing themselves in the excitement of it all._

_At around four, Kurt stood up and grabbed Blaine by the hand, leading him to his room. Blaine looked panicked for a moment, but Kurt calmed him quickly, explaining that the couch was not a suitable place to cuddle if they wanted to get any rest. Blaine relaxed, and put on the sweats and t-shirt Kurt offered him before climbing into bed._

_Kurt decided to skip his moisturizing routine in favor of the gorgeous man in his bed. When he returned to the room after putting his own sleepwear on, the sight that greeted him nearly stopped his heart. There was Blaine, the boy who had held Kurt's heart since that first day in acting class, in his bed, looking like he belonged there._

_And even though tonight had been his first kiss and he certainly wasn't ready for more, he knew, deep down, that if Blaine had asked, he would have done anything. That thought scared him and also excited him._

_At that moment, Blaine looked at at Kurt and smiled shyly, and Kurt knew he was lost forever. God, he loved that boy so much it literally hurt. So he returned the smile and slid into bed next Blaine. Things were awkward for a moment, then Kurt turned over and wrapped his arms around Blaine, laying his head on his chest. Both boys let out a relieved sigh and Blaine slid his arms around Kurt, pulling him closer, and kissed the top of his head. Kurt lifted his head, leaning forward and placed a quick kiss on Blaine's lips, before snuggling back down again. He heard Blaine whisper, "Happy New Year, Kurt."_

_"Happy New Year, Blaine." he responded, before drifting off Into a blissful nights sleep._

_When he awoke the next morning to an empty bed, he was disappointed, but not worried. Blaine probably needed coffee, which Kurt totally understood, so he drug himself out if bed and made his way to the kitchen, expecting to see Blaine sitting at the table, or at the very least, smell coffee, but neither happened._

_That's when Kurt started to panic a little. He walked to the front door, realizing that Blaine's shoes and coat were gone. Ok, so maybe he went out to get coffee. He was a coffee snob. Or maybe he had to get home early and forgot to tell Kurt. He probably left a note, Kurt thought, so he spent the next 20 minutes tearing through the apartment, looking for a note, but finding nothing._

_It wasn't until after that he thought about his cell phone. He was sure Blaine had texted him after realizing he'd forgotten to leave a note. He opened his phone to messages from his family and friends, all wishing him a happy new year, but there was nothing from Blaine._

_So he decided to stop stressing and just text Blaine first. So he did. Just a quick, thoughtful message that only Blaine would understand. 'Hey, where'd you disappear to? We still have a few more time zones to bring in.'_

_He waited, hoping that he'd get a quick response. No such luck. Kurt's phone was practically glued to his hand the entire day, and he flinched every time it buzzed, hoping upon hope that is was Blaine, but it never was._

_Rachel had been gone most of the day, and returned home to find Kurt in tears on the couch, clutching his phone. She didn't even have to ask. She had seen the two boys the previous night and was surprised, but happy. It seemed Blaine had finally manned up and gave into his feeling for Kurt, but seeing Kurt look so broken, she realized that nothing had changed. No, that wasn't right. Everything had changed. Because this time, he had gone too far. He had taken Kurt's first kiss, and then walked away again, like he didn't matter. God she really hated Blaine right now._

_She spent the next three days comforting Kurt, watching movies with him and eating tub after tub of ice cream. Luckily, their new semester didn't start for another four days, because there was no way Kurt was going to be able to pull himself together that quickly. So Rachel made arrangements or the two of them to go back home to Lima for a long weekend._

_She contacted Burt and Carole and them that she and Kurt were a little homesick, and needed some down time away from New York. They didn't question her, even though the two of them had been home the week before for Christmas._

_Rachel also put an SOS call into Mercedes, who dropped everything and headed home to Lima to be there for her boy._

_The three of them spend the first two days holed up in Kurt's room watching movies, talking, eating, and just being. The girls did everything in their power to help their best friend, and by the end of the second day, he actually felt almost normal. Of course, his heart was still broken, but he knew he was strong enough to overcome this._

_Rachel and Mercedes visited their perspective homes during the day, but refused to leave their boy alone at night. During the day, there were many distractions to keep his mind off of the "B" word. The girls refused to acknowledge him by name, so he was dubbed "B," which took on several different meanings by the end of the week. But, they knew at night, when it was quiet, that's when his memories would come back full force. So they lay on either side of him, holding him and just being there._

_When the time came for them to return to New York, Kurt was much stronger and everyone could see it. While Kurt was packing, Burt pulled the girls aside and said, "I don't know exactly why you three came back, but I know it had nothing to do with being homesick." When the girls tried to speak, he stopped them. "I just want to say thank you, for being there for him. I know he was hurting, and it kills me to see him like that." His voice cracked and be took a shaky breath before continuing. "I also know that without you two, I don't think he would have healed like he did, and that means the world to me. Thank you for the friendship and support you've given him through the years." He pulled the girls into a quick hug before returning to the kitchen to help Carole pack snacks for their trip home._


	6. Getting Over Him

**Chapter 5**

**Getting Over Him**

Kurt had tried to get over Blaine after their talk in the bar after New Year's and his breakdown in Central Park, but wasn't as successful as he had hoped. Sure, he'd been able to avoid him, but it hadn't been easy. They did go to the same school, and there had been a few close calls, where Kurt found himself ducking behind walls, around corners, and into bathrooms to avoid being seen.

For the first few months, it had been fairly easy, trying to push those feelings aside, but seeing glimpses of him would bring back all the feelings he was trying hard to suppress. So, he figured the summer would be easier. He was right, but oh so wrong.

Being away from school and New York made it easier because he knew not everything would remind him of Blaine, so he let his guard down and hopefully allow his heart to heal.

Rachel and his step-brother Finn had this on again, off again relationship since high school, and when they were home for the summer, it was usually on. Even though Kurt was reluctant to share what had happened between him and Blaine, she finally convinced him, and was devastated for her best friend. She supported him the best she could at school, but now they were home for the summer, she was determined to help him be happy again.

So, she set him up on a blind date. Her dad's had some friends who's son was gay, and had just come out. She met him when her dad's invited his dad's over for dinner one night. He was also home for the summer from college, and he and Rachel hit it off right away. It wasn't until the evening was almost over that she realized how she could help Kurt and her new friend Matt.

They had been in her room and she was, of course, talking about herself and how their glee club had won Nationals their senior year, and she was showing Matt her photo album of pictures from that win. In the back of the album, there was a picture of she and Kurt they had taken after singing on the Wicked stage. She saw Matt's face change suddenly, and she grinned.

"He's cute, huh?" She asked.

"Uh, um," he stuttered, and she saved him from his embarrassment.

"He's gay too, and totally available. I can set you up on a date, if you want." She said, already planning everything in her head.

"I don't know," He hesitated.

"I'll tell you what, we'll double. He's my roommate and best friend, and I'm also sort of dating his step-brother." He looked at her confused. "I'll explain it all later. So, you in?"

And that is how Kurt found himself on a double date with step-brother, his best friend, and Matt. Kurt was furious with Rachel at first. How dare she set him up on a blind date! What was she thinking? She told him she knew he had to get his mind off Blaine, and this was the perfect way. According to Rachel, Matt was a little shy, hence the double date, and very cute, so Kurt caved.

The three of them told Matt they'd meet him at Breadsticks at 7:00. Kurt was a nervous wreck, trying to find the perfect outfit. He didn't want to seem like he was trying too hard, but he still wanted to look nice. Finn actually helped him decide on a pair of dark skinny jeans and a blue button down shirt with a vest.

Dinner went by quickly, the four kids laughing and talking. Kurt's initial reluctance faded moment's after meeting Matt. He was sweet and intelligent, not to mention good looking. Conversation between the two of them flowed easily, and the four of them decided to move the party back to the Hudson-Hummel residence for a movie night.

When the evening came to a close, Kurt was a little sad. He'd really had a great time, and had enjoyed Matt's company, which came as a complete surprise. He walked Matt out to his car to say goodnight, and when Matt asked if they could get together again, Kurt agreed whole-heartily. Matt gave him a hug and the two agreed to have coffee the next day.

Kurt was actually happy. He'd had a great night, hanging out with great friends, and was pleasantly surprised at how well he and Matt had gotten along. Back inside the house, he said a quick goodnight to Rachel and Finn and headed to his room.

He changed into his pajamas and lay back on his bed, replaying the evening in his mind, when his phone suddenly buzzed. He smiled, thinking it was Matt. The two had exchanged numbers and Matt had told him he'd text Kurt what time the two could meet for coffee the next day.

Unfortunately, his smile was wiped off his face the moment he saw the text, and the happy feeling that he'd had was gone in an instant. He hadn't seen Blaine in months, and although Blaine had tried to text and call Kurt a few times, it seemed as though he had given up. Or not.

Kurt debated on deleting the text without reading it, but knew he wouldn't be able to do so. Even though he was avoiding Blaine, he was still in love with the stupid, frustrating boy, so he opened the text. All it said was, 'this is how I feel...' followed by a link. He knew he shouldn't have, but he clicked on the link, and his room was filled with Blaine's voice, singing. His heart jumped at the sound, and he lay back on his bed and listened to the song. The song was sung much slower than normal and the only instrument accompanying Blaine's voice was a piano.

_Oh yeah_

_Oh yeah_

_So scared of breaking it_

_That you won't let it bend_

_And I wrote two hundred letters_

_I will never send_

_Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem_

_You'd rather cover up_

_I'd rather let them bleed_

_So let me be_

_And I'll set you free (Oh yeah)_

_I am in misery_

_There ain't nobody who can comfort me (Oh yeah)_

_Why won't you answer me?_

_The silence is slowly killing me (Oh yeah)_

_Boy, you really got me bad_

_You really got me bad_

_I'm gonna get you back_

_I'm gonna get you back_

_Your salty skin and how_

_It mixes in with mine_

_The way it feels to be_

_Completely intertwined_

_Not that I didn't care_

_It's that I didn't know_

_It's not what I didn't feel,_

_It's what I didn't show_

_So let me be_

_And I'll set you free_

_I am in misery_

_And there ain't nobody who can comfort me (Oh yeah)_

_Why won't you answer me?_

_The silence is slowly killing me (Oh yeah)_

_Boy, you really got me bad_

_You really got me bad_

_I'm gonna get you back_

_I'm gonna get you back_

_You say your faith is shaken_

_And you may be mistaken_

_To keep me wide awake and waiting for the sun_

_I'm desperate and confused_

_So far away from you_

_I'm getting there, I don't care where I have to run_

_Why do you do what you do to me, yeah?_

_Why won't you answer me, answer me, yeah?_

_Why do you do what you do to me, yeah?_

_Why won't you answer me, answer me, yeah?_

_I am in misery_

_There ain't nobody who can comfort me (Oh yeah)_

_Why won't you answer me?_

_The silence is slowly killing me (Oh yeah)_

_Boy, you really got me bad_

_You really got me bad_

_I'm gonna get you back_

_I'm gonna get you back_

By the end of the song, Kurt was sobbing into his pillow, hot angry tears he'd tried so desperately to hold back, falling once again. Why? He was so stupid for listening to that song. He should have just deleted the text right away. Just when he was beginning to allow himself to be happy, Blaine had to go and do this.

Kurt was torn, though, because as much as it hurt to hear Blaine's voice again, he couldn't help but wonder about this song choice. He listened to the song over and over, noticing each and every tremor in Blaine's voice when he said misery. A part of Kurt thought that Blaine might actually have feelings for him, and when he did things like this, (and his previous summer's drunk dials), it just cemented those thoughts for Kurt.

He wanted to hate Blaine, he really did, but he couldn't. So, he laid there, listening to Blaine sing to him all night long. He didn't respond, he couldn't, but he allowed himself to hope just a little, in the night, knowing that in the light of day, he'd go back to pretending Blaine didn't exist.

The rest of the summer went by fast. Kurt spent quite a bit of time with Matt, but they both realized fairly quickly that neither one of them had feelings deeper than friendship, but agreed to keep in touch after returning to school.

Kurt didn't tell anyone about his text from Blaine that night. He'd gotten others since then, which he deleted after reading, but couldn't bring himself to delete that song. He listened to it every night. Yes, he knew it was pathetic. During the day, he acted as if everything was right with the world, but at night, alone in the dark, he allowed himself to cling to the hope that one day, Blaine might come around.


	7. Here We Go Again

**Chapter 6**

**Here We Go Again**

He'd been through so much heartache since meeting Blaine. Not that their friendship, relationship, whatever the hell it was, had been all bad. They had some really great times together. Then, when it looked like things were going to move forward, Blaine would pull back. He usually just took to ignoring Kurt for a while, until things blew over and they went back to being friends.

Kurt had gotten used to this pattern of possibility suddenly leading to heartache. It was hard at first, but eventually got easier. His girl friends would try to tell him he was being a fool, and deep down, he knew he was, but he couldn't ignore what his heart was saying. And it was telling him that regardless of how Blaine treated him, they were soul mates.

Yes, Blaine was an ass to him on more than one occasion, but the good times they shared, and the hope that Kurt had, mixed with the occasional cracks in Blaine's walls he found, showed him that he and Blaine had something...could have something. Something real.

Unfortunately, after Blaine's last drunken confession about wanting to marry him, then not returning his calls and avoiding him for over a month, he realized he needed to let Blaine go. In order to have a happy, carefree life, he needed to cut himself off from Blaine altogether. He wasn't strong enough to just stay friends. He'd tried that. Then Blaine would get drunk tell Kurt everything he wanted to hear and they'd be back to square one.

Flashback...

School had started again, and Kurt was excited. He'd had a great summer, spending most of it in Lima with his family, but he'd also spent time visiting Mercedes in LA, which had been nothing short of amazing. He was coming back to school with a new outlook.

His internship had turned into an honest to goodness job, and Kurt couldn't have been happier. So, when his new colleagues invited him out for a night on the town, he jumped at the chance.

Every year, NYADA had a back to school party where they blocked off the street directly in front of the school, and let the students get to know each other. Much to Rachel's disappointment, the back to school party fell on the same night Kurt was going out.

Kurt wasn't planning to attend the NYADA party despite Rachel's insistence, but did promise her he'd stop by after his night out with his new friends. So, after a wonderful dinner and a few drinks later, Kurt found himself engulfed in a sea of NYADA students, looking for his roommate and best friend.

She'd told him to meet her by the front steps, but there were so many people, he was having a hard time finding her. He decided to back up toward the side of the building and see if he could spot her from there. Unfortunately, he wasn't watching where he was going and accidentally stepped backward onto another persons foot, causing him to spill his beer.

He heard a loud "Dammit." and turned around to apologize, but was stopped cold at the person in front of him. His heart stopped beating and he held his breath, wondering for a moment if he could run away without being seen. The curly haired boy had his head down, trying to wipe off his shirt, that was now soaked with beer.

Kurt wanted to say he was sorry, but couldn't form words, and as much as he wanted to run, his legs felt like they were glued to the ground, leaving a silent, still boy, waiting.

He didn't have to wait long. The shorter boy jerked his head up, snapping at the unknown person in front of him, "Dude, watch where you are..." he stopped, a look of recognition dawning on his face. "Kurt." He whispered in awe, before suddenly pulling Kurt into a crushing hug.

Part of Kurt wanted to pull away, but another part of him wanted to return the hug with full force. Guess which part won. The two boys stood in the crowd of people, just reveling in the feel of each other again. It was Blaine who pulled back first, but he grabbed Kurt's hands and pulled him into a quieter place beside the brick building, away from the noisy crowd, before pulling him back in for another hug.

Kurt let himself be hugged again, even though he knew he would hate himself later. Blaine's warmth was so comforting, and after not seeing him for six months, it felt like coming home, so he allowed himself these few fleeting moments of weakness.

He pulled back suddenly when he felt what he thought was Blaine's lips on his neck. He looked into his former crushes eyes, and saw how glassy they were, obviously from drinking. He knew his reflected the same, as he'd indulged in a few cocktails that evening, as well.

When there eyes met, Blaine smiled and began speaking fairly clearly for someone who was so obviously drunk. "Oh my God, Kurt. It's so good to see you. God, I've missed you so much. Why did you stop returning my texts? I really wanted to talk to you, and to see you." As he was speaking, Blaine had reached down and grabbed Kurt's hands again, and even though he knew it was a mistake, he let him.

Kurt wanted to tell Blaine he'd missed him too, but couldn't, so he just said, "It's good to see you again, too."

Blaine was having none of Kurt's blasé attitude, and continued letting his thoughts spill out. "Kurt, I was so lonely this summer. I missed you everyday, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to see you. Seriously, you have no idea how much I missed you. I thought about you all the time. I really, really want to be with you all the time. and now that same sex marriage is legal in New York I think we should do it." Blaine brought their connected hands up to his mouth and started kissing Kurt's left hand, right over his ring finger.

Kurt was speechless. Yes, drunk Blaine was an honest Blaine, but this...this was something completely out of the blue. They hadn't seen each other in over 6 months and Kurt was sure that Blaine had found someone in that time. Even though Blaine had texted him (yes, he ignored said texts for his own sanity), but he just assumed Blaine was dating and happy.

While Kurt contemplated this, Blaine continued with his drunken spiel. "Seriously, Kurt, I know we are both still in school, but I think we could make it. Let's do it. Let's get married. I want to be with you. I don't care what my friends say anymore. I know what I want, and it's you. No kids yet, just marriage. Please, please say you want to marry me."

Kurt felt like he was in an episode of the Twilight Zone. He tried to look around and see if he was in the middle of some sort of practical joke, but he could not look away from Blaine's beautiful eyes. Although they were clouded by alcohol, he could see the sincerity in them and it terrified him.

Luckily, Kurt's brain, although hazy from his drinks earlier, was still sharp enough for him to step back and put some distance between him and Blaine. Unfortunately, he stepped back right into a wall, and before he could react, Blaine was pushing his body up against Kurt's, with his hands on either side of his head.

Kurt tried to push Blaine off of him, with little effort, because come on, this is exactly what he had been dreaming of since he'd met Blaine two years before. Sure, the marriage thing was a little out there, but the way Blaine's body felt up against his made him tingle all over and reminded him of the previous New Year's Eve.

He should have been mad at how easily he'd let Blaine back in, but all he could think of in that moment was how much he wanted Blaine to kiss him. As if reading his thoughts, Blaine took one hand off the wall and cupped Kurt's cheek, caressing it, before pulling his lips down to capture Kurt's in a hard, passionate kiss.

Kurt didn't even hesitate, pulling Blaine in closer and opening his mouth, allowing Blaine's tongue access. His knees felt weak when he felt Blaine run his tongue along the roof of his mouth before latching onto his tongue and sucking hard. Kurt moaned, which spurred Blaine on even more, pushing his hips into Kurt's, allowing him to feel how much he was enjoying this amazing kiss.

Kurt brought one hand up to the back of Blaine's head, tilting it to get better access and allowed his tongue to map out the inside of Blaine's mouth, as well. The two boys stood, pressed together up against the building, exploring each others mouths until neither could breath, causing them to pull back, both groaning at the loss of contact. Blaine didn't stop there, though, continuing to rain kisses on Kurt's cheek and down his neck, where he spent a few extra moments sucking on a place behind Kurt's ear that seemed incredibly interesting, before returning his lips to Kurt's once again.

They made out against the side of the building for what seemed like hours, before Kurt's phone began belting out 'Defying Gravity.' That seemed to pull him out of the haze Blaine had him in, and he pulled back. Blaine groaned, but let Kurt go, allowing him the room to grab his phone, but not completely backing away.

It was Rachel, and although he didn't answer it, the mood had been officially killed. Blaine tried to move in again, but Kurt succeeded in putting some much needed distance between them.

"Blaine, that was...well... yeah." Kurt was at a loss, but he knew he needed to get away from Blaine now, before he did something he regretted. And as much as their little make out session was wrong, he couldn't bring himself to regret that. He was still planning to stay away from Blaine, so this was his final goodbye, if you will. He deserved it after everything.

But Blaine was having none of it. "God Kurt, that was amazing. I have seriously been thinking about doing that since last New Years Eve. You have the softest lips. I think I could kiss them forever. That's why I want to marry you. I just want to be able to kiss you forever."

"Blaine," Kurt said, with a small sigh. "We don't have to get married for you to kiss me. And it was your choice not to pursue anything between us after New Years. You ignored me, remember? It was a mistake, and it..." his voice cracked, repeating back Blaine's hurtful words. "It didn't mean anything. You said that to me." Kurt side stepped Blaine and turned his back, not able to look at him anymore.

"I'm so sorry, Kurt. I fucked things up so bad. I'm such an idiot. I was lying to you. It did mean something. It meant everything, but my friends..." He paused, not knowing how to say what he wanted.

"So, I'm supposed to believe that what happened meant that much to you?" Kurt turned around then, angry, putting his hands on his hips. "I find that hard to believe, because if it meant even half as much to you as it did to me, it wouldn't have been so easy for you to just walk away."

"Kurt, I..."

"Save it. And as for your friends," he said, using quotations around the word friends, "I hope they appreciate your friendship, because as of now, you just lost mine."

With that, he turned around and lost himself in the crowd. Blaine was stunned, and stood there staring after Kurt for a moment, before Kurt's words actually hit him. "No, Kurt, wait." He yelled, but it was too late. Kurt was gone.

Blaine leaned back against the brick wall and let the tears fall. He honestly didn't care who saw, because he had just lost the most important person in his life. God, he was such a fuck up. He stayed there, leaning against the wall, eyes closed, body aching, letting the tears fall until his cell phone rang. He ignored the call, but pulled himself together enough to make it back to his apartment.

Had he finally hurt Kurt too much? Was Kurt really done with him and their friendship? It couldn't be possible, because he couldn't imagine his life without Kurt. Sure, he was drunk, but not so wasted that he didn't remember what he'd said to Kurt, and although it did seem a little out of the blue, he really meant it. He wanted to marry Kurt.

Sure, they hadn't seen much of each other after the whole New Year's Eve fiasco, but he still kept an eye on Kurt. But, when summer came, and he didn't have school or the band to keep him distracted, all he had to think about was Kurt. He filled his every thought, day and night. He replayed the kisses from New Year's over and over in his mind.

He tried to call and text Kurt to no avail. He didn't blame him, really, but he knew he needed to find Kurt once he got back to school so they could talk. He planned to do it sober, which would be a first, but he knew it was important. Then he had to literally run into him tonight, of all nights.

Blaine was plagued all night with nightmares of the look on Kurt's face, the pain that he'd caused reflecting in his eyes. Blaine woke up crying more than once during the night.

He knew he'd hurt Kurt before, many times. God, he'd been such an asshole. After last night, he was sure he'd lost him forever. It was probably for the best, anyway. Kurt deserved someone better, someone who didn't need alcohol to be honest about his feelings. Someone who could show him how special he was.

So Blaine decided, sober this time, that he would leave Kurt alone once and for all. It was for the best. But why did it feel like his insides were being ripped to shreds?


	8. I Get By With a Little Help From My BFF

**A/N Ok, so the last chapter with the drunken marriage proposal actually did happen to me. I hadn't seen this guy in months and out of the blue, he just says, "lets get married." So, my BFF gave me the same advice that Kurt is getting from Rachel and Mercedes in this chapter. **

**Unfortunately, this chapter is where the similarities between my story and theirs ends. For me there was no singing and forgiving, only being ignored, yet again. But hey, that's what fanfiction is for, right? Making things turn out the way you wanted them to! **

**I hope you all enjoy enjoy this next chapter. **

**Chapter 7**

**I'll Get By With a Little Help From My Friends**

In the months following Blaine's drunken marriage proposal, Kurt secretly began going to see Blaine's band play. He'd sneak in during the first set, and sit in the far back corner, not visible from the stage, and he'd listen. The first few times he went, he couldn't even bring himself to look at Blaine on stage, just sitting in the back listening, letting his heart break a little more each time.

Finally, when he allowed himself to turn around, his breath caught in his throat. Seeing Blaine again, smiling up on that stage like he didn't have a care in the world shook Kurt to the core. God, he was so beautiful. So he continued to come, always staying hidden, and just allowed himself to worship him from afar.

When Rachel found out what he had been doing, she called Mercedes and they formed in intervention. Mercedes flew to NY one weekend and the girls didn't let him out of their sight. The first night, they stayed in and watched movies and talked. The girls waited until later in the evening before finally confronting him.

Rachel was the first to talk. "Kurt, we know what you're doing, and it isn't healthy."

"Wha..." he looked genuinely confused for a moment.

"Come on, Boo, why do you think I'm here?" Mercedes asked in her very own diva way.

"Bu - but, how...what..." he wasn't very eloquent when flustered.

"I saw you last weekend Kurt. I thought you said you hadn't seen him." Her tone was hurt, knowing he'd lied to her.

"I - I haven't." He received two death glares. "Not really. I mean, he doesn't see me. We don't talk, I just...oh hell, I'm pathetic, aren't I?" He sighed, dropping his head in his hands.

The girls were at his side instantly, rubbing his back. "Oh baby, it ok. We are so sorry you are going through this. That's why I'm here." Mercedes explained.

"Remember my Barbara-vention? Well, consider this your Blaine-vention." Rachel said with a small smile.

Kurt looked up at his two best friends and wiped a stray tear away before responding. "I suppose it's way past due." He said in a sad voice. Then added, "But entirely necessary, I guess."

Rachel and Mercedes eyes met, then they both looked at Kurt with determined looks. "Ok, so here's what we are going to do." Rachel said, always needing to take control. "You are going to make a list." She got up and walked to the desk, grabbing a yellow note pad and a pen.

"A list?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes, a list." She repeated, drawing a line down the middle of the paper. "Sort of like a pros and cons list. But this will be your version of that, regarding Blaine."

Kurt visibly flinched when she said his name out loud. He'd thought it in his mind, but had not said it aloud in months. Rachel noticed, but continued on with her plan, knowing they were trying to help him.

"Ok, on one side is reasons why you should continue to be Blaine's friend, and on the other, reasons why you should cut him out of your life completely." She paused and let what she just said sink in. "I know it seems like something you should do yourself, but the reason we are here," she nodded to Mercedes, "is to help you. Some of the things we are going to put on this list aren't going to be easy, but it's important that you hear them."

She sat down beside him and handed him the pad of paper and pen. Kurt took the items from Rachel, then stood up abruptly, startling the two girls. "Come on, let's get some ice cream and move this into the bedroom." He said. "It's going to be a long night, so we might as well be comfortable. Oh," he said over his shoulder as he walked into the bedroom, "Don't forget the kleenex."

The two girls looked at each other with sad smiles. Kurt was right, it was going to be a long night, but they would get through it together. And even though there would be a lot of tears shed, they were sure that Kurt would come out stronger in the end.

The three finally fell asleep around dawn, and slept well into the afternoon. Even though the intervention was about Kurt and Blaine, it had been emotionally draining for all three of them. Rachel was the first one to move from the bed, so she made the coffee. Eventually, Kurt and Mercedes joined her, accepting the liquid caffeine happily.

After their coffee and toast, the three of them had taken turns showering and preparing themselves for the day that was already halfway over. Rachel suggested a nice dinner and then going to a new karaoke club that had just opened. Even though their night had been rough, especially for Kurt, they all agreed on Rachel's plan.

Dinner had been fun, and the karaoke club a big hit with the former glee clubbers. Because Kurt used music to help him through tough times in his life, he used the karaoke as a way to say he was getting over Blaine, singing 'Jar of Hearts.' As he sang the last words, 'who do you think you are,' tears were flowing down his cheeks.

After Kurt's emotional performance, the girls chose a song for the three of them that had the same emotion, but allowed their diva attitudes to show. When the three of them were called up, they wooed the crowd with their version of 'You Ain't Worth the Salt in My Tears.' They were a hit with the crowd especially after throwing in some impromptu dance steps.

The three friends left the club later, arms around each other, laughing. Kurt felt better than he had in months, and was so grateful for his two BFF's. He knew walking away from his quasi-relationship with Blaine would be hard. Hell, it was going to be the hardest thing he's ever done, but he knew it was the only choice he could make.

As they headed back, Kurt formulated a plan in his mind. He knew he couldn't just walk away, like Blaine could so easily do, but he also knew he couldn't talk to him. That would be too hard. So, he would do the only other thing he knew how to do. He was going to sing to him. For closure.

When the three had exited the club, they were too wrapped up in each other to see the curly hair boy that ducked in a dark doorway across the street, watching, tears still running down his face.

Blaine's band finished earlier than usual and all left to be with their girlfriends, so he decided to check out the new karaoke club that opened down the block. He walked in and found a seat at the bar right away. As he opened his mouth to order his drink, he heard a distinctive voice began to sing. He jerked his head around and was stunned at what he saw.

Up on the stage, looking more gorgeous then ever, was the very boy that had invaded his every thought for the last two months. Who was he kidding, the last two years. God, just seeing him again sent a shiver down his spine. He knew Kurt had been avoiding him, and to be honest, he'd been avoiding Kurt, as well.

He'd broken their friendship beyond repair and was embarrassed. But, God, he missed his best friend. He knew he'd freaked Kurt out the last time they had seen each other. What the hell was he thinking, bringing up marriage? Sure, over the summer while he was missing Kurt, he would imagine the two of them together, years from now, married and living together in the city.

But, what possessed him to say that out loud. Oh yea, it was the alcohol. And that was why that night had been the last time he had drank anything stronger than iced tea in months. He knew that if he wanted another chance with Kurt, and God did he ever, that he'd have to be sober. So he stopped drinking.

His bandmates gave him shit about it every night, but he stayed strong. And he found that he was able to concentrate more on his music, and had actually written a couple of songs. Not saying that he was an alcoholic, by any stretch, but he did like to drink when he went out, and especially when the band had a gig.

When Blaine realized what Kurt was singing, he felt his chest constrict and was certain he was going to pass out. He couldn't breathe, but was mesmerized by the boy on the stage. The passion Kurt was putting into that song, a song that was directed to him, even though Kurt didn't know he was there, was making him weak.

Realizing he didn't want Kurt to see him, he quickly moved around to the other side of the bar so he could watch unseen. By the end of the song, he too had tears running down his face, and he started to get up and go to Kurt, hug him and tell him how sorry he was. Then he saw who Kurt was with...Rachel and Mercedes. He slumped back down in his seat and waited to see if Kurt would sing again.

And he did, and it was even worse. This time, the girls helped him sing a fun, upbeat song about how Blaine wasn't worth the salt in Kurt's tears. Fuck, that hurt.

After that song, Blaine slipped out and barely made it around to the side of the building before completely lost it. He slid down the wall and let the tears come. God, how could he have been so stupid? He never meant for it to come to this. When he first met Kurt, he'd been smitten, and he loved their friendship, but his other friends made fun of it, and him every chance they got.

Even though Blaine had been out and proud since his freshman year in high school, he had still been popular because he could blend in with any crowd. Unlike a lot of other schools in Michigan, the glee club in his school was hugely popular, and his voice and extreme popularity had kept him in the in crowd throughout high school, despite his sexuality.

He knew Kurt's high school experience hadn't been easy. He was from a very small school in Lima, Ohio, and was the only out gay kid. He wore his individuality proudly, and was bullied for it. He'd told Blaine stories about getting thrown in dumpsters and slushied almost everyday. And even though he was also a member of his high school's glee club, their experiences were completely different.

He and Kurt had many conversations about Kurt's past, and Blaine had seen a change in Kurt since that first day. He'd always been a strong person, but since being in NY, Kurt had let his walls come down, and had blossomed into this amazing man. A man that Blaine knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

He'd come to this realization over the summer, but unlike Kurt, he wasn't strong, and he had no idea how to confront his friends about how they talked about Kurt, nor did he know how to talk to Kurt. Of course, his idiocy along with too much alcohol had helped him with that.

Which led him to his current position, sitting outside a karaoke bar sobbing because he realized that he just lost the best thing that had ever happened to him. And he was the only one to blame.

Fuck.


	9. Say Something

**A/N This chapter is short, but I think it speaks for itself. Obviously this is where the name of the fic comes from, and originally, this was supposed to be the last chapter, but I just couldn't leave it like this. **

**Chapter 8**

**Say Something**

Kurt walked out on the stage slowly, a sad but determined look on his face. He whispered to the pianist and made his way up to the mic. The band was taking a break, and Kurt knew this was his moment.

He'd been psyching himself up for the moment for months now. Who was he kidding, it had been years. How could he have let things get so bad? Oh, that's right, it was Blaine. It had always been Blaine.

Kurt couldn't take it anymore. The pining, the waiting, the hurting, the tears. But that all ended tonight. He had waited for the band to take five, because he wanted to make sure Blaine was there, in the audience, watching. Blaine was a creature of habit, so once on break, he would visit the bathroom then the bar.

Kurt waited until he saw Blaine head for the bar before taking the stage. He had never been so scared in all his life, but he also knew that he needed to do this for his own sanity.

As Kurt stepped up to the mic, the nerves hit. He began to shake, and everything in him wanted to turn and run, but when he looked out into the crowd and saw Blaine look back at him with a confused look, he knew he had to continue.

"Hi everyone," he began, his voice a little shaky. "I know the bands on a break, and they will be back shortly, but in the meantime, I would like to sing something. I know this is unusual, but it's necessary." With that, he nodded to the pianist.

The opening notes filled the room and the crowd was suddenly silent, waiting. When Kurt opened his mouth and began singing, he wanted to look around at the reaction of the crowd, but couldn't take his eye's off Blaine.

From the first note he could see the flicker of recognition cross Blaine's face. He could tell the exact moment Blaine realized he was singing the song for him, to him. Blaine's jaw dropped and his eyes widened, and he turned to fully face the stage, drink forgotten on the bar.

Kurt's angelic voice floated out over the bar, lower than his normal range but still strong and tinted with sadness.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_I'll be the one, if you want me to_

_Anywhere, I would've followed you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

The pianist joined in at the appropriate parts, singing softly, blending beautifully with Kurt's voice.

_And I am feeling so small_

_It was over my head_

_I know nothing at all_

_And I will stumble and fall_

_I'm still learning to love_

_Just starting to crawl_

By this time, tears had started to fall down Kurt's cheeks, and he ignored them. He had never allowed himself to be this vulnerable before, but he knew it was necessary.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_

_Anywhere, I would've followed you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_And I will swallow my pride_

_You're the one that I love_

_And I'm saying goodbye_

Kurt continued to sing directly to Blaine, not allowing himself to look away. He needed Blaine to know, to understand.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_

_And anywhere, I would've followed you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_Say something_

After the last word, Kurt tore his eyes away from Blaine's and was running offstage before the pianist finished the song.


	10. Walking Away

**A/N As I said before, the last chapter was supposed to be it. The whole fic was based around that song and that moment. But, fortunately for you all, my brain would not let it end like that, so here's the continuation. **

**Chapter 9**

**Walking Away**

"Kurt, wait." Blaine yelled to the boy walking quickly out the back door and into the alley. Blaine hit the door hard, it banged against the brick wall outside, startling the retreating boy. He stopped, but didn't turn, waiting. "What...what was that?" Blaine asked, still a little breathless from running through the bar and chasing Kurt outside.

There was silence for a moment, before he heard a soft voice say, "My way of saying goodbye."

"That wasn't a goodbye song. That was a here's your last chance so don't screw it up song."

"I - I wanted it to be that, but I'm not sure my heart can handle another chance. It's just too hard, seeing you again. I thought, for a while, that I could do it...be satisfied just being your friend, but I can't." His voice quivered, but he continued talking, needing to say it. "If you...I can't be around you when you are so hot and cold. Our friendship was wonderful, and I, I'll miss you so much, but if I allow you to get close to me again, you'll just end up breaking my heart. And I..." he paused, his shoulders shaking as he tried to tell Blaine everything he needed to.

Before he could continue, Blaine had moved up behind him and touched his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. The taller boy jerked away, but did turn to face Blaine. It was there, in a dingy, dark alley, lit only by the moon and a dull fluorescent light bulb outside the back door, that Blaine truly saw Kurt for the first time.

The soft light on his face, shining off the tears that were running freely down his cheeks. His porcelain skin almost ethereal in the glow of the moonlight. But it was his eyes that really hit Blaine. The eyes that he'd always loved, that shined with light when they would sing together, that sparkled when he spoke about his fashion internship, were now dull and lifeless. He had done that. He was responsible for that.

Oh God.

In that one moment, he felt like he was looking into Kurt's soul, and it scared the shit out of him. He felt an incredible tightness in his chest, and was having a hard time breathing. How could it have come to this? How did he let things get so out of hand? God, he had been so stupid. His breathing became more and more ragged and he leaned down and put his hands on his knees to stop himself from falling, but was unsuccessful.

He fell hard onto his knees in the alley, the rocks and broken glass digging into his legs going unnoticed. He was gasping for breath now, his vision starting to become spotty.

Suddenly he felt a warm hand on his back, soothing him and whispering, but he was so far gone, he couldn't make out what was being said. Then the hand was gone and he tried to yell for it to come back, but couldn't, because there were hands in front of his face, over his nose and mouth. He tried to push them away frantically, but just ended up flailing his arms around uselessly.

Still on his knees, his head was pushed down, while the hands remained over this face, and he was breathing into them. Although he was still fully unaware of exactly what was happening, he began to hear a soothing voice in his ear, trying to calm him. At first, it was just snippets, "breathe...calm...slow...deep...focus...me..." and finally, when he felt the constriction of his chest ease, the words became sentences. "Come on, breathe Blaine. Slow, deep breaths. That's it. Focus on my voice. There you go, that's better. Concentrate on taking one breath at a time. Good, good, you're doing great."

The encouraging words continued until he was able to breath normally, although his mind was still hazy. Finally, he was able to reach up and grasp the hands that were covering his mouth and pull them down, holding them between his own. He leaned back and looked up, almost surprised to see Kurt sitting there.

He knew he didn't deserve the comfort and care he was getting from Kurt. He really was surprised to see him, because the look he had before whatever just happened was one of heartache and regret. Blaine knew he was the sole reason for that look, and Kurt could have just walked away and left Blaine to deal with his own issues. Then again, he shouldn't be surprised. Kurt had always been there.

God, he had been so stupid. He was the one that always pushed Kurt away, just when they were getting close. He knew he wanted more than friendship with Kurt, but his friends somehow convinced him it wasn't a good idea. They had all kinds of excuses. You are too young to get serious with someone, and he seems like the serious type. He's too clingy. He's too girly. You have different interests. You are the lead singer of our band, man, you can't have a boyfriend. People need to see you as available.

That last one stuck out to him now. They'd said people. Not guys, but people. It finally hit him, then. His so called friends didn't want him with Kurt, not because of Kurt, but because they were not comfortable with him being gay, and the two of them being in a relationship. Oh my God. With that realization, he felt like he had just aged ten years. His friends were embarrassed of him, and kept him from the one good thing in his life.

That was all going to change now. He was going to tell Kurt everything. He just hoped it wasn't too late. The pain in his chest increased at that thought. Ever since he heard Kurt's voice up on that stage, and listened to him sing that song with such emotion, he'd had a pain in his chest. No, worse than a pain, more like his heart was being crushed. And moment's ago, when he looked into Kurt's eyes, and saw the pain reflected there, and he put it all together, the song, Kurt's words, his pain, his resolve...he was really saying goodbye.

He knew, after everything that had just happened, and the pain and tightness that was still present, that he couldn't live without Kurt. Now, he just had to figure out how to tell the beautiful, broken boy in front of him. Tell him how sorry he was, and that he'd never meant to hurt him, and how much he loved him, really, really loved him. And, oh God, he was so sorry. And please forgive him, because he didn't think he could live without him.

What Blaine didn't realize was that everything he was thinking was coming out of his mouth in between violent sobs. He was still on his knees, and was rocking back and forth now, tears running down his cheeks, words of regret pouring out of his mouth.

Kurt sat there, stunned. He'd really planned on singing the song and leaving Blaine behind, once and for all. He didn't expect him to charge into the alley after him, and certainly didn't expect the panic attack that followed. He'd never seen Blaine so vulnerable before and it was a little disconcerting. He wanted to turn around and leave, so he would finally understand what Kurt had been feeling these last two years. But he couldn't.

So, he crouched down in a dirty alleyway in his good pants, and forced Blaine's head down, cupping his hands in front of his face. He knew that breathing into a paper bag was the best thing for a panic attack, but he had to use what he had. He leaned down and spoke encouraging words, trying to calm him down. He was scared for a minute, because Blaine looked like he was about to pass out, and was totally unaware of his surrounding.

So, Kurt stayed with him, speaking soothing words to him, feeling Blaine's warm breath on his hands as they remained cupped over his mouth and nose. After what seemed like an eternity, Blaine's breathing finally calmed down. Just as Kurt was about to pull his hands away, he felt Blaine's hands come up and grab them, pulling them away from his face, but not letting them go.

Kurt was about to pull them away and stand up, when Blaine leaned back and looked at him. He could see a myriad of emotions flash in Blaine's hazel eyes. Suddenly tears began to leak out, but Blaine took no notice of them. He started rocking back and forth and a sob escaped before he began mumbling. The mumblings got louder, as did the sobs, and Kurt realized what what happening.

Blaine finally realized Kurt was serious. Kurt was actually going to walk away. It was hard to make out some of Blaine's words though the sobs, but Kurt understood immediately. He was apologizing. More than that, he was asking Kurt to forgive him and not to leave. He kept saying please, please don't leave me. Then, Kurt heard the three words he'd waited to hear his whole life.

Kurt just sat there, staring at Blaine, for once, not knowing what to do. They were sitting in an alley behind a bar, and Blaine was pouring his heart out to Kurt, and he was frozen. Part of him wanted to just take Blaine into his arms, kiss the tears away and tell him that he loved him too, but the logical part of him stopped him from doing just that.

So he did the only thing that made sense at the time. He pulled his hands away and leaned back, still on the ground, but no longer so close he could feel Blaine's warmth.

He put a finger under Blaine's chin and tilted it up, forcing eye contact. "Blaine, please calm down and listen, ok?" He waited until Blaine's sobs quieted before he continued. "As much as I want to believe you, I just can't. You've hurt me too many times, Blaine, I just can't open myself up like that again."

"Kurt, please..." Blaine said, his voice hoarse from this breakdown.

"No, Blaine, you listen. I was ready, no, I am ready to walk away. Tonight. I wasn't expecting...well, never mind." Kurt shook his head as if trying to clear his thoughts. "I don't know why I'm willing to do this, but...I'll give you one more chance."

Oh my God, than..." Kurt didn't let him finish. He wouldn't be able to be strong if he let Blaine talk.

"Oh, don't thank me yet. It's not happening here, tonight." Blaine looked at him with a pained look, and Kurt just wanted to turn around and run away, but he knew he had to give them both this chance to have closure. "You are going to go home, take a shower, clean up your legs, and do some serious thinking."

"Kurt, I don't need time to thin..." Again, he was cut off by Kurt.

"Yes you do." He paused. "We both do." He said so quietly, Blaine almost missed it. Blaine felt the pain in his chest constrict again. What if Kurt didn't give him another chance? He tried to blink back the tears that were threatening, so he didn't upset Kurt, but was unsuccessful as the tears spilled down his cheeks.

Kurt reached over and brushed a tear away with his thumb, and both boys gasped at the shock they felt from just that small touch. Kurt pulled his hand back quickly and got up, brushing himself off, before looking down at Blaine. Even sitting in a dirty alley with tears running down his face, he'd never looked more beautiful to Kurt.

He wanted to avoid contact again, but ever the gentleman, he reached his hand down and offered it to Blaine. He had seen the shorter boy fall hard earlier, and knew his knees would be scraped up and sore from kneeling on the concrete for so long.

Blaine accepted, and once again, the contact sent sparks flying between the two boys. Blaine got up gingerly, with Kurt's help, and when Kurt tried to pull his hand away, he tightened his grip, not letting him.

"Kurt," he tried again, but the taller boy pulled his hand away and backed up.

"No Blaine. Listen, we do need to talk, but tonight we are both too raw. I'm going home, and so are you. Tomorrow, if you still want to talk, call me and we'll get together." The last sentence was said with such sadness, it made Blaine sick. He knew what Kurt was thinking. This was his signature. Say something to give Kurt hope, then ignore him for weeks at a time.

What Kurt didn't understand was that this time was going to be different. Blaine knew something had changed within him that night, and he would do whatever Kurt wanted to prove that. If that meant going home, like Kurt wanted, he would do just that.

So, Blaine nodded his head. "Ok, tomorrow then. Kurt, I..."

"Don't." Kurt said, slowly backing away, distancing himself already. "Tomorrow." He said softly and looked at Blaine for what he thought would be the last time, trying to memorize everything about him. Not that he would ever be able to forget.

He turned and walked away then, but heard Blaine call out to him one more time, "Tomorrow."


	11. Waiting at the Door

**Chapter 10**

**Waiting at the Door**

After Kurt disappeared around the corner, Blaine fell to his knees once again. He was emotionally and physically exhausted. He knew his bandmates were probably pissed that he had left, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

All he could think about, care about, was Kurt, and how he was going to make everything okay again. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he also knew that the thought of living his life without Kurt made him want to jump off the nearest bridge.

Hearing Kurt sing that song was a wake up call. He naively thought that Kurt would always be there. No matter how he treated him, and how many times he'd hurt him, he just thought he'd never lose Kurt. God had he been an idiot.

Maybe he should just let Kurt go. Blaine knew that he'd been a terrible friend to Kurt, and an even bigger douche when it came to leading Kurt to believe they could have more. Kurt deserved to be treated with respect, and Blaine had not been doing that.

And all that was over now. It was time for him to grow up and get his head out of his ass. He could be the person Kurt deserves. He knew, deep down, that he was that person. Unfortunately, the only time he let that person come out was with Kurt.

He'd always been Mr Popular, and he didn't want to lose that when he got to college, so he continued to pretend to be the cool guy. He fit in well with his classmates and even though they knew he was gay, it never seemed to be an issue. Until he started bringing Kurt around.

He and Kurt hung out a lot at Kurt's apartment, went to movies and met for coffee, but once he started including Kurt in his plans with his friends, things got complicated. It wasn't much, at first. His friends would seem cool, but after Kurt left, they would make little jabs about him. Blaine tried to ignore what his friends said, but it started making him act different around Kurt.

The only time he was completely honest with himself about his feelings was when he was drinking. His friends berated him constantly when he was drunk, because all he could talk about was Kurt. They started taking his phone away after he'd made a couple of drunk dial calls to Kurt.

He just wanted Kurt to know how he was feeling, and the only time he had the courage to do so was after he'd had a few drinks. Unfortunately, his stupid friends seemed to be everywhere and did everything they could to sabotage his relationship with Kurt.

Now, sitting in the alley lost in his thoughts, he realized how close he had come to losing everything. Honestly, he wasn't sure if he hadn't already lost it.

Blaine was so lost in thought that he didn't hear the back door open up, and was surprised when his friends surrounded him. He looked up at them from his place on the ground with red, swollen eyes and blinked. What the hell? Was he dreaming?

"Dude, what the fuck?" He heard, before he was being yanked to his feet. "We were supposed to start playing 20 minutes ago."

"Have you been out here this whole time?" Came another voice.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you trying to get us fired?" Said yet another voice.

"Come on," the first voice said. "Let's get you cleaned up and back inside so we can finish our second set."

Blaine felt himself being led toward the door and he pulled back, startling his bandmates.

"Enough fucking around, B. Let's go."

"No." Blaine replied, looking at the ground.

"Seriously dude, this is getting ridiculous. Get your ass inside."

"No." Blaine responded, a little more forceful than before, eyes still fixed on the ground.

"Dammit Blaine. Is this about that fucking Kurt kid? We all heard the song, and frankly, it's about fucking time. Can he get any gayer? Good riddance, if you ask me."

Blaine's head shot up and his eyes finally locked with the source of the voice. "Fuck you, Brent."

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I hit a sore spot?" Brent sneered.

"You are an asshole, you know that?" Blaine growled, a sudden burst of courage showing. "You all are. You know what, I'm out of here." He turned on his heel and started down the alley toward the street. "Oh, and I quit." He yelled over his shoulder.

Once he reached the street, he was smiling. He'd finally done it. He'd stood up to his idiot friends. Check that, ex-friends. He felt as though a weight had been lifted and everything was falling into place. Now he needed to go home and get cleaned up, because he had somewhere he needed to be.

After taking a long hot shower and cleaning up the cuts on his legs, he threw on a pair of loose fitting jeans and a t-shirt. It was 4:00am by the time he'd cleaned up, so he left his apartment and walked two blocks to an all night diner. He ordered a cup of coffee and two low-fat muffins to go.

Fifteen minutes later, he was seated outside Kurt's door, coffee in hand, bag of muffins on the floor between his knees. He leaned back against the wall and finally let himself relax. He sat his coffee down and rested his head back against the wall. He knew sitting outside Kurt's door seemed crazy, but he would not have been able to relax at home.

Sure, Kurt told him to go home and do some thinking. He'd done both. But the longer he stayed away from Kurt, the more his chest hurt. He knew Kurt thought he would run again, and he needed Kurt to know that he wasn't running ever again.

So he did the only thing he could do. He went to his apartment to wait. Kurt needed to see how serious he was. And just being close to him, even if there was a door separating them, made Blaine feel calmer. As he sat there letting his mind wander, his body finally allowed itself to relax, and he drifted off.

"Kurt, Kurt, wake up. Hey. Kurt. What happened last night?"

"Huh?" Came the muffled reply.

"Kurt, you need to get up. There's something you need to see." Rachel's voice was whispering urgently to him.

Kurt snuggled down further into his comforter. He'd been up most of the night, replaying everything that had happened with Blaine over and over in his mind. He'd finally cried himself to sleep around 5:00am, and he was exhausted.

"Leave me alone Rachel. 'M tired." He mumbled.

"No, I'm not leaving you alone," came the reply. "You need to get your butt up and come with me." She threw the comforter off her best friends head and grabbed his arm, forcing him into a seated position.

"Ugh, Rachel, what the hell? I had a freakin sucky night and I need to sleep." He tried to reach for the comforter, but Rachel was faster, yanking him up and out of bed.

"Rachel," he growled. "What has gotten into you?"

"Shhhh..." she said, stopping in front of the door. "Quit your diva-ing and just look."

She opened the front door quietly and pulled him forward. What he saw had him gasping for breath. Sitting outside his door, head leaned back against the wall, mouth open in sleep, was Blaine.

Rachel didn't speak, but raised her eyebrows in silent question, but Kurt didn't see. He only had eyes for Blaine. He took in his attire, different from last night, he realized. Beside him was a cup of coffee and a white bag, which he assumed contained the low-fat muffins he liked from that diner down the street.

His heart was beating so fast as he looked down at Blaine, sleeping in his hallway. He looked so beautiful. His eyes still a little swollen from last night, and his hair curly and still a little damp, obviously from a recent shower. The love he felt for this boy was not gone. And now, watching him sleep, looking so vulnerable, it seemed to have just doubled.

He was so lost in watching Blaine that he almost yelped when Rachel pulled him back inside and gently closed the door.

"What happened last night?" She whispered.

Kurt just looked at her, unable to speak, then looked back toward the door.

"Kurt..." she tried again.

"Not now, Rachel," he replied, finally regaining his speech. "I promise, I'll explain everything later." He whispered. "But first, I need to wake Blaine up and bring him inside."

"Ok, sure," she hesitantly agreed, leaving him by the door while she moved toward the kitchen.

Kurt took a deep breath before opening the door and stepping out into the hallway. He bent down, putting his hand gently on Blaine's shoulder so as not to startle him.

"Blaine," he said softly, and shook his shoulder a little.

Blaine woke with a jerk, he head snapping forward and he gasped. "Wha..." he said, eyes darting around, trying to acclimate himself. Finally, they came to rest on Kurt's face, and he let out a loud sigh. "Kurt."

Their eyes locked and neither breathed. The two sat there in the hallway, both thinking of the previous night, neither wanting to break the silence.

Kurt was the first one to cave, standing up and offering his hand to Blaine. When their hands met, the spark was almost visible, and both boys looked at each other, eyes wide.

They didn't speak, as Kurt led Blaine through the apartment and into his bedroom. He sat Blaine down on the end of the bed and moved to sit in his desk chair across the room, but Blaine refused to let go of Kurt's hand, making him sit beside him on the bed.

They sat on the bed, side by side, their hands clasped together, trying to figure out what was next. Finally, Kurt spoke up.

"Blaine, why were you sleeping in my hallway?" He asked, his voice serious, but with a joking undertone.

"Kurt, I..." Blaine started, but stopped, trying to gather his thoughts. He'd had an entire speech made up in his head, but sitting here, on Kurt's bed, holding his hand, was messing with his mind.

"Look Blaine, we do need to talk, but..." Kurt started, but was interrupted by Blaine.

"Stop." Blaine said, turning to face Kurt. He needed to look into Kurt's eyes when he spoke. He wanted Kurt to see how serious he was. "I did what you asked last night. I went home, cleaned up, and did some serious thinking. And all I could think about was the longer I was away from you, the more I felt like I was dying." He paused to gather his thoughts before continuing. "I know you thought I would disappear again, and I have to admit, I did think about it for a minute."

The look that crossed Kurt's face then had Blaine quickly explaining himself. "Only for a minute, and only because I thought that you deserved someone better than me. God Kurt, the way I've treated you..." A tear escaped his eye and slid down his face, and Kurt watched it's path as he waited for Blaine to continue. "I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. But I can tell you that I'm not that person anymore. I know it will take some time for me to prove that to you, but I promise I will do everything in my power to make you believe me."

Kurt looked like he wanted to speak, but Blaine squeezed his hand to stop him. "Please, let me finish," he said, looking into Kurt's eyes. Kurt nodded for him to continue. "Last night," his voice broke and he cleared his throat. "I know you were, are, ready to walk away, and I don't blame you.". The tears were now coming full force, and he did nothing to stop them. "But please, please, give me another chance. I...I quit the band."

"What?" Kurt asked in a surprised whisper.

"Those guys weren't my friends. If they were, they wouldn't have tried to keep me away from the best thing that has ever happened to me. God, I'm so sorry it took me so long to see that. I know I don't deserve it, or you, but can you at least think about it? I can't lose you. I lo..."

"Don't," Kurt interrupted. "Not now."

"Ok," Blaine replied sadly. "Just know that you mean the world to me. Really. And I am going to prove it to you. Starting now. Can I please hug you?"

Kurt nodded and was quickly enveloped in Blaine's arms. Warmth spread through them both and they sighed. It was like two pieces of a puzzle finally coming together. Nothing had ever felt so right.

They sat like that for a while, just enjoying the feel of each other. Blaine pulled back first, only moving a few inches away, his breath ghosting over Kurt's face.

"As much as I want to kiss you right now, and believe me, I really want to, I'm going to wait. You deserve to be wooed, and that's what I plan to do. So, if you'll let me, I'd like to take you out to breakfast."

Kurt couldn't move. Having Blaine in his arms again felt so right, and now, with them breathing the same air, he was unable to move, let alone string together a complete sentence. It was only when Blaine said his name again, that he was able to nod.

It was only when Blaine stood up and moved away that Kurt was able to clear his head. He needed a shower. Yes, that would help. He watched as Blaine opened his bedroom door, and immediately started to panic. He was leaving again.

Blaine noticed the scared look right away and turned to Kurt. "I'm just going to the kitchen to have some coffee while you shower. Didn't you hear me tell you that?" He cocked his head, waiting for Kurt's response.

"Oh, sorry. I must not have heard you. I'll just..." he pointed toward the bathroom, and Blaine smiled.

"I'll be waiting. Hurry," he said, throwing Kurt a wink over his shoulder as he closed the door.

Kurt's body tingled all over. Wow, if he can have that effect on him from just a wink, imagine how he would feel with Blaine's hands all over him. Ok, so Kurt had tried to get over Blaine, but in the mean time, he'd also gotten really horny. The date with Matt was the interaction he'd had with a gay boy since the New Years he'd spent with Blaine.

His memories of that night got him though many a late night lying in bed, feeling lonely. He couldn't help but imagine he and Blaine doing a lot more than kissing, and he found that thinking of Blaine was the only thing that got him hard.

Now, standing in his room staring at the door that Blaine had just exited through, found him half hard. He shook his head and berated himself for allowing Blaine to have that effect on him. He stripped quickly and hopped in the shower, turning the water on a little colder than he normally had it.

Meanwhile, Blaine was making himself at home in the kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee, when Rachel sauntered in, not looking pleased.

"Why can't you just leave him alone?" She asked, her voice dripping with anger.

Blaine turned to face her, dreading having to explain himself, but knowing it was important. "Let's sit," he said, motioning toward the table.

"So, what are you trying to pull now? Sleeping in our hallway? Pulling out all the stops, aren't you?"

"Rachel, look. I know you don't like me very much."

"At all," she interrupted.

He ignored her and continued on. "Believe me, I don't like myself very much right now, but last night..." His voice cracked. God, he couldn't think about it without wanting to cry again. "Kurt sang me a goodbye song and...and, fuck." He wiped the tears away angrily and put his head on the table. He was not going to have another panic attack. Not now. Breathe, breathe.

Rachel was trying hard to hate Blaine. He'd hurt Kurt so many times and she was always the one picking up the pieces. But when he wasn't being his asshole self, when he was being sweet, dapper Blaine, she'd never seen Kurt happier. And now, watching Blaine literally breakdown at their kitchen table, she felt herself wanting to comfort him. He looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack, so she reached out and took his hand.

That simple action seemed to calm him down, and his breathing returned to normal. He looked up at her through tear filled eyes. He needed to explain everything to her. She was one of Kurt's best friends, and he wanted her to understand.

"I...I've been an idiot. I was so concerned with my stupid friends and the stupid band that I neglected the one person I could be myself with. Last night, when Kurt sang that song," again, he choked up. Dammit man, get it together. "Everything changed. I knew I was going to lose the only person that really mattered to me, and I couldn't let that happen. We sort of talked, and he agreed to give me one last chance, and I swear, I am not going to screw this up. I...God, I really love him, and I can't lose him. I can't imagine my life without him."

Rachel listened as Blaine poured his heart out, he hand still on his, giving him strength. She could see in his eyes that he was being completely honest, and it warmed her heart. But she still held back.

"Blaine, I want to trust you, I really do, but I can't let myself fully believe you, because if you screwed up this time, there will be no putting Kurt back together again."

The look of pain that passed through Blaine's face gave her pause. She saw fresh tears form in his eyes and she knew then that he had changed. Somehow, Kurt telling him goodbye through song was the wake up call that Blaine needed.

She started to say something else, but was stopped by Kurt's appearance. He'd taken the quickest shower in the history of Kurt Hummel, because he didn't want Blaine to be alone with Rachel any longer than necessary. He had actually been finished in enough time to hear what Blaine said to Rachel, and he felt a flutter in his heart. It was one thing for Blaine to tell him, but it was another to hear him telling Rachel how he felt.

"Hey, you ready." He said, breezing into the room, purposely halting their conversation.

"Yeah," Blaine said, getting up and taking his cup back into the kitchen and putting in the sink. "I'll see you later, Rachel. Thanks for listening." He offered his arm to Kurt and the two headed out for breakfast.


	12. Tough Conversations

Chapter 11

Tough Conversations

After their breakfast, the two took a walk through the streets of New York, hand in hand, eventually ending up in Central Park. Kurt hadn't been back to the park since that night he'd confronted Blaine at the bar about New Year's Eve.

Blaine immediately sensed a change in Kurt, and pulled him to a park bench to sit. The cold seeped through their pants quickly and both boys shivered involuntarily.

"Blaine, it's cold, we should head back." Kurt said finally.

"In a minute. I want to know what just happened. When we walked into the park, you pulled away."

Kurt looked down at their hands and squeezed Blaine's, silently telling him he was wrong.

"Not physically, Kurt. Emotionally. I can feel it. What's wrong? Please talk to me." Blaine begged.

"I can't."

Suddenly it hit Blaine. "This is about me, isn't it?" He whispered, remorse evident in his voice. When Kurt nodded, Blaine's whole demeanor changed. His grip on Kurt's hands loosened, his shoulder's dropped, and he couldn't meet Kurt's eyes. The pain in his chest that had subsided throughout their time together this morning came back in full force, and he brought his free hand up to his heart, as if that could stop the hurt.

Kurt noticed this, and began to worry that Blaine was on the verge of another panic attack. No matter how much Blaine had hurt him, it pained him to see Blaine suffer, so he reached over and took Blaine's hand off his chest, holding both hands in his.

"Blaine," Kurt said, trying to get Blaine's attention. Nothing. "Blaine," he said more forcefully this time. "Look at me."

When Blaine looked up, there were tears on his face and he sniffed. "I-I'm so, so sorry Kurt. I w-wish I could g-go back and c-change everything. I-I can't believe I h-hurt you so bad." He broke eye contact and dropped his head again, not strong enough to see Kurt's pain.

Kurt was having none of it and used one hand to tilt Blaine's chin back up, forcing him to look at Kurt. "I know you are sorry, ok. But if we want to move on, we are going to have to face some tough conversations, and I don't want to worry every time that you are going to have another panic attack."

Blaine sobbed. "I-I'm sorry I'm so w-weak. I just can't believe I-I was so stupid for so long."

"Yes, but luckily, you wised up just in time," Kurt joked. This brought a small smile to Blaine's face. He took a deep breath to calm himself.

"So, now that I've had my minor breakdown, are you ready to tell me what you have against Central Park?"

"I will, but you have to promise me you won't break down again." Kurt watched a pained expression cross Blaine's face again, but he nodded his agreement, encouraging Kurt to continue. "This is where I ended up last year after our talk at the bar." Blaine's face showed no understanding, so Kurt went on. "When I confronted you after New Year's."

"Oh."

Oh.

Kurt was silent for a minute, then forged on. "I sat here for hours under that tree," he pointed. "I-I was devastated. You basically told me that the best night of my life had meant nothing to you, and I..." Kurt had to stop before he broke down. A tear began to escape, but before it had the chance, he was pulled into a tight hug.

Blaine pulled Kurt as close as possible, before just lifting him onto his lap. He held the taller boy, his hands gripping Kurt's back almost painfully, but Kurt took no notice. He burrowed his head into Blaine's neck and let the tears come. Blaine was rocking them and whispering softly to him. He even thought he'd felt Blaine kiss his hair a couple of times, but was too focused on Blaine's warmth to even care.

Finally, Blaine's voice became louder, urging Kurt to hear. "I was lying. Oh God, I'm so sorry. I was scared and weak and let my friends convince me that it was wrong. That night meant everything to me, baby. I swear. Being able to be with you all night, hold you and kiss you. It was everything I had dreamed of. But it also scared the shit out of me. I'd never felt that way before, and I was freaking out. Stupidly, I confided in my friends, and they convinced me that what I was feeling was guilt and regret. They told me not to call you back and to distance myself from you and it would all work out. So that's what I did. And I've hated myself every minute since then."

He tried to pull back from Kurt then, so he could look him in the eye and make sure he understood, but Kurt would not loosen his hold on him, so he just continued to hold him. He felt a vibration on his neck and realized Kurt was trying to say something, so he leaned back a little to allow Kurt room to speak.

"I want to believe you," came the timid voice. Those innocent words ripped a giant whole in Blaine's heart and he knew that he would never be able to hurt this beautiful boy ever again.

"Oh baby, I know I've said I'm sorry again and again, but I'll keep saying it until you see. You are the most important person in my life. Even when we weren't talking, I still thought about you everyday. I was just so arrogant and I thought that you would always be there, no matter how I treated you. I'm sorry to say that it wasn't until I heard you sing about saying goodbye that I truly understood how screwed up I was."

Blaine felt Kurt's breathing even out and knew he had settled down. He didn't want to lose the closeness they were sharing, but knew they had to move soon or they would be permanently attached to the frozen bench.

"Come on," Blaine said, pulling back slightly. "Why don't we go back to your place and watch a movie?"

"Ok."

Thirty minutes later, the two boys were huddled together on the couch, both sound asleep, a random Disney movie playing in the background. That's how Rachel found them when she returned home. She knew neither boy had slept the previous night, and with all the emotions involved, she wasn't surprised to find them like that.

What did surprise her was how they were laying. Blaine was leaning up against the corner of the couch, with Kurt splayed across his lap and chest, his head snuggled into the corner of Blaine's neck. Blaine's arm was wrapped securely around Kurt, as if trying to keep him from leaving, and their hands were intertwined and laying directly over Blaine's heart.

She really wanted to give Blaine the benefit of the doubt, but she still had her reservations. Of course, she'd do anything to see Kurt happy again, and if that meant giving Blaine another chance, she would do so. She grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and gently covered the two with it before slipping into her room.

When Kurt began to awaken, he realized two things...he was incredibly warm and all he could smell was Blaine. He assumed he was dreaming again and wanted nothing more than to hold onto this blissful feeling between sleep and consciousness, so he burrowed down further into the warmth.

It was the contented moan that brought him back to reality, because it hadn't come from him. He slowly opened his eyes and tried to pull back, but was held firmly in place by strong arms. It was then, he realized that his face was buried in someones neck. He breathed in deep and everything came back to him then. He was sleeping on Blaine. They must have fallen asleep watching the movie. Not surprising, considering neither boy slept much last night.

He felt Blaine take a deep breath and let out a contented sigh, before trying to pull back again. This time, he was allowed a small amount of room by his captor, whom he looked up at through sleep filled eyes. Blaine was looking down at him with the same dreamy look and a goofy grin on his face.

"Hey," Kurt said shyly.

"Hey," Blaine replied, leaning down to kiss Kurt on the forehead. "You must be magic. I haven't slept that well in months."

Kurt smiled. "Well of course I am, but you must have some powers as well, because despite sleeping half sitting up, I feel more rested than most mornings." Blaine's smile matched Kurt's at this simple confession.

They sat quietly for a moment, just basking in each others warmth, when Blaine began to shift uncomfortably under him. Kurt pulled back then with a somewhat panic look, which increased when Blaine avoided eye contact, and he quickly slid out from under Kurt's body. He mumbled something that Kurt didn't catch, and bolted down the hall.

Kurt sat on the couch, confused for a moment, before he realized where Blaine was. He didn't head for the exit, he ran to the bathroom. Kurt chuckled at first, then suddenly realized the reason Blaine had run for the bathroom. He'd woken up with a little problem and was embarrassed. He was still sitting there, smiling, when Blaine returned sheepishly.

"Sorry. Nature calls," he said quietly.

Kurt reached out his hand and pulled Blaine back down beside him on the couch. "It's ok. Nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens to all of us." Blaine blushed and shifted uncomfortably, before his stomach let out a loud rumble.

Kurt threw his head back and laughed, while Blaine's cheeks became an even darker shade of pink, causing Kurt to flush too, but for a different reason. Kurt shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts. Too early for that, he told himself. Right. Like he hadn't been having those thoughts about Blaine for a long time.

There was another rumble, and this time, it was Kurt's stomach. He looked up at Blaine and smiled. "I guess sleeping through lunch has it's drawbacks," he joked, and Blaine smiled back, his embarrassment gone. "So, dinner?"

"Absolutely," he said, pulling Kurt up and toward the kitchen.

"You want to eat here," Kurt asked, surprised when Blaine headed toward the kitchen.

"Actually, if you don't mind, I'd like to make you something." Blaine looked down at his feet and back up. Kurt stared at him like he'd grown a second head. Here was Blaine, who was always so confident, who ran away from everything, in the middle of his kitchen, looking shy and wanting to cook Kurt dinner. Alright, where are the cameras? He must be being 'Punk'd' or something.

As he was having his inner dialogue, Blaine had taken his silence as a yes, and began opening cabinets and drawers, apparently looking for ingredients. When Blaine finally noticed that Kurt had not moved, he turned to him and said, "Hey, why don't you go watch a movie or something? I'll take care of everything."

"What, no, that's not necessary. I can help."

"I know you can, but I want to do this. For you. Please?" Blaine was giving him the puppy dog eyes, and he knew Kurt couldn't resist that. Damn him.

"Fine, I've actually got some sketches I need to finish, so I'll go work on those." He turned to leave, then stopped. "Are you sure you don't want my help?"

"Next time, I promise. I just want to do something special for you this time, ok?"

Kurt hummed his response, his mind filled with the promise of a next time. He'd always enjoyed cooking, and when he had pictured his future, he imagined sharing the kitchen with his husband, working side by side, laughing and singing while they cooked. Now all he could picture was he and Blaine in the kitchen together, and it scared him. He couldn't allow Blaine into his future fantasies again. Not yet.

So Kurt disappeared into his room to work on his sketches, leaving Blaine in the kitchen alone. Blaine was familiar enough with Kurt and Rachel's kitchen, having been to the apartment many times before over the past few years. Blaine shook his head. He wanted to create new memories for them, not dwell on the past, so he pulled out his ipod and slipped in his headphones and went to work.


End file.
